Yet Again caught Somewhere in the Middle

God likes to speak to me while I'm running my tail off on the treadmill. I wonder what it is. Does He like to run with me? Or is it that He has my undivided attention because I have no children at my feet and am focused on being a good steward of my body. Whatever it is, He speaks and He speaks powerfully to me during those 30 minutes.

This very day as I was running, He brought me back to a song by Casting Crowns entitled "Somewhere in the Middle". About a year ago, this song came on my IPOD while I was running. I had never heard it before even though it was on my IPOD. Oh my goodness, the words knocked me on my rear. The line that spoke to me the most was "will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle". Have a listen then keep reading.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGnJq-av6TY

When I first heard this song, it was all about me trading my dreams for His. That I had to let go and embrace where He had brought me. This was a HUGE lesson for me.

Now as we are heading into a church planting endeavor, the words "reckless abandon wrapped in common sense" have once knocked me on my rear. In addition to "just how close can I get Lord to my surrender without losing all control". WOW!!!

Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense is an oxymoron. But this is what I want. I want the common sense. But if I keep my common sense then there is no reckless abandon to God.

You see I have plans of how this whole transition should go. In my plans, our house should have sold by now since it's been on the market 4 weeks today. We should know where we are going to live in Peoria. And we should have all our ducks in a row when it comes to moving. But God has called me to reckless abandon which is SO SO SO very hard for me. I am a detail oriented person, and He wants me to leave every detail in His hands. RECKLESS ABANDON........

This leads me to the next part of the lyrics "just how close can I get Lord to my surrender without losing all control." I want some control of this process. I don't need to have it all, but I want some. But He says I can't have any...It's all in His hands. Surrender is just that. Throwing up my hands and saying I can't. I give in.

While I ran today, I listened to this song about 4 or 5 times. I've got to get this through my thick skull. No reckless abandon with common sense.

Don't even get me started on the line "the God we want and the God Who is" That could be a whole other post!

My Struggle to Believe

I just finished my quiet time with the Lord. I pulled out my journal and began to write to Him that I was struggling to spend time with Him. Not sure why though....as I wrote it came to the surface that I am struggling to believe. I'm struggling to believe that He will get us to Peoria.

Our lives are full of so many unknowns right now which I do not do well with. I begged him for something even just something small to help me feel more peaceful. Then I questioned if I was like the Israelites begging for a king. If you are familiar with the story, God granted their grumbling compliant and they ended up with King Saul who was evil to the core. I don't want to end up like the Israelites. I want good things from the Lord that come in His timing.

I found myself praying the prayer of a man in the New Testament, "Lord, I believe, help me in my unbelief." He has come through every single time for our family. Yet, I struggle to believe because I am human and this is my sinful human condition. I don't want to stay in that condition. I want to be more. I want to be filled with faith. I want to be like Christ!

When we moved to Marshfield, my mom gave me a necklace that has a dove on it. The back of the necklace is inscribed with this "Faith guides us and gives us peace" I have had that necklace on for the past couple of weeks because it reminds me to trust Him. To hold onto His promises. I will most likely be wearing this necklace for a long time :)

Pray with me that He will help me in my unbelief.