Our 2003 Dodge Caravan is 11 years old, has 120,000 miles on it; and I believe is very close to the end of its life. Two weeks ago a tire popped. The automatic lock is making this horrible noise every time you lock or unlock the van. There's melted green slime on the back bench seat that I have tried to get out to no avail. And today, the heat decided to short out. Can I tell you how I long for a new van that actually has room in the back. We have a true "mini" there is only about 12 inches in the back (if 12 inches). A van that has stow and go seats. Maybe a DVD player. Or how about a USB drive for plugging in my phone. Oh and let's not forget a bluetooth so I can talk hands free! Wouldn't that be awesome! BUT THEN...
I am convicted that I have a car. There are so many who don't. They don't know how they're getting to work. They stand in the freezing cold and the pouring rain at a bus stop so they can go where they need to go. It takes them twice as much time as me. Their lives are not easy. My heart is broken by my greed. One of these people would be more than grateful to have our van for their family rather than have to drag their children on to the bus and walk through the elements.
For the last few months, I have been participating in a group that has discussed the book Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. It has been amazing! The last two chapters have challenged me tremendously as I have learned about the negative chatter that constantly goes on in my mind. Thoughts like:
*I'm not good enough because we don't have a house here
*I'm not good enough because our van is old and icky
*I'm not good enough because my kid decided to spit over the balcony of the civic center;
*so and so thinks poorly of me because I don't have what they have.....
* I must be a bad mom because my kids don't obey the first time
*I'm a bad mom because I don't drive my kids to school each day or pick them up each day
* I'm a bad mom because I can't keep up with all the things of running a home
*I'm a bad wife because I don't always feel like serving Paul
*I must be the only person in the world who deals with all these crazy thoughts. Something is just wrong with me
But today, after having read Chapter 10 in Unglued, I stopped and re-focused my thoughts on Christ and His truth. In Unglued, Lysa talks about when our minds begin to focus on that negative chatter it's an indicator that our soul is hungry for the Lord's truth. These are the times we need to use Scripture to attack those ugly thoughts. I have to re-align myself with His truth about who I am. I also have to learn that I am not perfect, and it's ok to not get everything done all the time. I have to learn to be ok with that, as presently, I am not OK with that.
I don't know how people live without the Lord. I would be a ruined mess on the highway of life without Him. He gives me hope and strength that through Him I can be refined and sanctified!
Do we need a new van? Actually, yes we probably do. The thing is at this point it will nickle and dime us to death. But God has to provide for that need so I'll start turning my eyes to Him to do that.
