I'm sitting at Bread Company (aka Panera). I came here to get caught up with my Weight Watchers employee updates. I feel so disconnected from work after the Holidays and being off. Tomorrow I start a brand new meeting in Pekin. I'm hoping that since it's new people will come!
An FYI for you in case you weren't aware. Panera Bread originated in St. Louis as St. Louis Bread Company. St. Louis natives refer to it as Bread Co. Even though we've been gone for StL for 5 years, this restaurant will always be Bread Co. to me. I have spent many hours escaping here and spending time with friends over coffee. When Joshua was born, Lianne and I used to meet here weekly for breakfast very early in the morning before Paul went to work. Those were precious times, and I covet them to this day.
We continue to do well in Peoria. Things are moving along. Honestly, our hardest transition has been the schools here. It is just such a different environment. I hurt for our kids deeply on this issue. Joshua begs to be home-schooled, but we know this is not a good choice for him. His biggest complaint is just how long the school day is. If he was home-schooled, he is convinced he would be done with his work in two hours. The other compliant from both our kids is that their teachers yell a lot. This makes me sad. They were used to a warm and inviting atmosphere in Marshfield schools. Again, it's just different here. I feel that a lot of their methods are negative based i.e a graded (A-F) behavior report sent home every Friday. Every offense from the week is listed on the behavior report. I find myself thinking "really, is this what we need for these kids, a weekly record of wrongs". I believe children will respond better when there is a positive based environment. Of course, they should be held responsible for their actions but a weekly graded report???? Many times I have found myself in prayer asking God to check my attitude and keep my mama-bear instinct in hand.
As I reflect on the last two months in Peoria, I realize that there has been a massive transformation in me that I just wasn't aware of. When we moved to Marshfield, I was absolutely devastated about leaving the amenities of a city. As we transition to Peoria, I have found that while it's nice to have a Starbucks, I don't "need" those other parts of a city. They are a nice convenience but not a must have. And in regard to coffee, I dearly miss my mom and pop shop , Coffee Cabin, in Marshfield. How I would love a cup of their Jamaican Me Crazy brew! And here in Peoria, everything feels so far away. My beloved Target that used to be .5 miles away is now a whopping 3 miles away:(
There has been a transformation of priorities in my heart. God used Marshfield to do that in me. He removed me from all that I placed value in and renewed in me that what matters is Him and my family. Being back near our families has been truly precious! My dad is even able to come stay with me for a couple of days next week while Paul is out of town. Dad is coming to stay with the kids while I work those two days. Do you know how HUGE this is for me? The fact that I can call on my parents for just two days to come. Both sets of parents were always available to us, but to be this close and have them come for less than 24 hours is a TRUE gift. Having a slower year in work (even though it's really tough financially) this last year with Micaiah at home is a TRUE gift! Having one of my best friends drive to be with me for 8 hours is a TRUE gift. Paul's schedule not being so demanding for a year is a TRUE gift!
These reflections, lead me to being so thankful for our 5 years in Marshfield. What a truly tough place for me the first 3 years. Looking back, I am so incredibly thankful for what God did in my life there. He transformed me. He made me new there! He gave me life-long friends there! He grew me up there!
And I'm so thankful for what He is teaching me here already! I shared that within a few days of being here I was once again struggling with anxiety. He is leading me now to do a thorough study of "fear" in the Bible. I believe that He wants to lead me into healing from a generational curse of fear. Looking back on my family, I see generation after generation being paralyzed by fear. I do not want it to go on anymore. I want to be free from it. And I believe that God is going to do that for me. It is not His intention that I live in fear, ever. He is my Redeemer and Healer!
